So summer is here. I finally made it home from college. Well, I’ve been home for a few weeks now. I’m in the process of finding a job. I’ve hit a few places, but those same places ended not working out. I’m currently waiting on one place to call me back about a possible schedule….

Three phone calls to the store and two weeks later, I’ve decided to try to find something else. I wish someone would just tell me what’s going on instead of leaving me in the dark.

So at the moment, I’m getting pretty desperate. I’m even willing to do volunteer work. Looks good on a resume, right?

I have recently picked up C.S. Lewis’ book A Grief Observed and, even though I’m only halfway through it, I absolutely love it. In trying to process his grief, Lewis brings up points that have touched me. The same questions he has asked, I have asked.

Why would God force someone out of their shell only to push them back into it? I have asked that so many times. I seem to make such progress, only to fall flat on my face again. With each step forward, I take two, sometimes three, steps back. Why go through this? Why allow someone to suffer and keep suffering? Where is that promised joy?

I keep reminding myself that God doesn’t promise that He will automatically deliver us from hardships. He doesn’t promise that He will keep us from having to experience the storms, but He does promise that He will walk through them with us. How amazing is that? Whether you believe in God or not is not my business. I know I can’t change anyone’s mind about God anymore than I can change the color of their teeth. But I find great comfort in knowing that I don’t have to walk this life alone.

Yeah, I have friends and family. However, people are fickle. Most are selfish. They can leave right when you need them the most. Sometimes, those people just don’t have the strength to carry you through. I can breathe a little easier knowing that God is constant.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.” – Footprints In The Sand

1: There’s no point in arguing with her. You’ll never win. Even if you are right.

2: Don’t cross her. It’ll be the last thing you ever do.

3: Never, EVER, touch the thermostat. It doesn’t matter if you are freezing your feet off. She’s saving on that electric bill, honey.

4: “No, you can’t have that slice of cheesecake. You don’t need it.”

5: When you offer her that candy bar, she will look at you like you’ve committed the ultimate sin.

“What? We don’t need to be eating that stuff. Quit buying it!”

Then she’ll snatch that thing out of your hand and into her mouth so fast, it’ll amaze you.

6: Watching her get frustrated is so funny.

7: She doesn’t cook on Sunday afternoons. Or Sunday evenings. Or Saturday afternoons. Or Saturday evenings. Or on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. You’re pretty much on your own, kid.

8: She will always ask the question you never want to answer.

9: She will ask you to do something, then turn around to do it herself.

10: Her tough love can move mountains.

She’s a force of nature. Something to be reckoned with. A heart of gold wrapped in nerves of steel. She’s wisdom with a smart mouth. She’s a mother.

“So take that and smoke it in your pipe.”

The End

So I like to play the guitar in my spare time. I have this little Crafter travel guitar that I absolutely love. Unfortunately, the strings were beginning to wear down. (I have a lot of spare time.) Actually, they were pretty much… dead – if strings can be classified as dead. All I know is that they were on the verge of snapping at any given moment. I’m supposed to help a friend play a few songs on Friday, so I knew it was time to change the strings. If one of those things snapped in the middle of a song, my friend would be on her own for I’d be standing next to her contemplating my stupidity.

The only problem is that I hate changing guitar strings. Personally, I’ve done it only a couple of times so the fact that I don’t have much practice might be the reason as to why I hate it so much. After making a quick trip to the music store, I began to replace the old, worn strings. I won’t bore you with the details of unwinding, winding, tuning, cutting, and playing. All you need to know is that it took me a long time to do it. By the time I was done, my back was killing me from slumping over the guitar. I’m a perfectionist. Everything had to be right. So after an hour or so of slumping, after giving my hands cramps from turning the tuning pegs, after poking myself a million times with the ends of those stupid strings and having them slap me in the face, my guitar looks and sounds beautiful.

I hope my friend knows what I went through to make sure my end of the bargain was working fine. The things I do for a friend. It’s pathetic, really.

I don’t know what it is, but I think that small creatures have it out for me. Last weekend, I was at my grandmother’s. She had asked me to get a package from the front porch. I didn’t think anything of it. You usually don’t expect anything to happen within the 10 seconds it takes to grab a package. I was so incredibly wrong.

 I opened up the door and walked outside. I had it propped open with my foot while I bent down to grab the package. All of a sudden, I heard a big WHOOSH! that was just a little too close to my ear. I quickly turned around to see a bird fly into the house.

“Ohnoohnoohno!” 

I walked back inside very slowly. My grandparents looked at me, puzzled.

“Um… I think I just let a bird in the house.”

There was no thinking to it. I knew that little devil took advantage of my momentary lapse of smart. My very rare moments of stupidity. I just didn’t want to admit it. The worst part is that I hate having things fly around my face. Hence, the title of this post. That little bird would fly around and come at me like a kamikaze pilot.

Needless to say, when something is flying at me at the speed of light, I start to fly a little faster. I was leaping over couches, throwing blankets over my head, and praying that I would be spared. I quickly knew it was a losing battle so I handed a blanket to my grandmother so she could pick it up-they had finally trapped it in a bedroom. I then ran outside. I should note that it was freezing outside and I was in my pajamas, but I didn’t care. I was safe.

They let the bird out the front door and I made my way back inside. I fell on the couch, trying to let my heart settle down. My grandparents certainly got a kick out of watching me leap over the furniture because of a little barn swallow. That’s me. The family comedian.

I’m sitting here in a pretty good mood. Actually, I’m happy. But I don’t want to be. When things are going my way, I have a tendency to forget about the important things. I forget about the problems of others; the same problems that I was on my face for a few weeks earlier. I overlook the grace and mercy that led me to where I am today. I push aside the very One that presented me with this joy.

I am thankful for my happiness, but if this happiness puts me back into that world of selfish desires that was so hard for me to get out of then I’d rather be broken. I’d rather have sorrow overwhelm me. At least then I would look to Him who promised to hold me in His arms. At least then I could give my thoughts and prayers to those who are hurting and deserve some happiness in this life. 

It took a tragedy to set me free from my self-centered world. I’m not saying God planned for that to happen, but He did use it to open my eyes. I certainly don’t want that to happen again.

Selfishness truly does kill. Being so caught up in your own agenda can destroy the lives of others. I’ve seen it.

We are called to help those who are broken. How can you help the broken if you are not broken yourself? It’s easier to offer an understanding ear if you are hurting yourself. It’s easier for the wounded to run in to your outstretched arms if they can see your scars and wounds. We have a tendency to cover the scars when everything is going our way. And that’s understandable. Who wants to reminisce on their wounds when all is well in their world?

So, if it takes me sacrificing my joy while I’m on this earth to help those who are broken then so be it. I’d rather have sorrow and show my scars then to be happy, cover them up, and present to those who are put on my path that I have a perfect life. That’s a lie. My life’s not perfect. Why show that it is? 

God can take my faith that seems so small at times to move mountains. He can take my pain, fears, confusion and doubt and use them for His plan. He can turn my sorrow and emotional scars into something truly beautiful. If my scars can help one person, then it would be worth it.

I rejoice in my pain and sorrow. I am thankful for the battles that I have endured and the scars that left their mark in my spirit. This is where I want my joy to come from. This is where I can make a difference.

It’s Thursday. That means that tomorrow is Friday. Blessed, wonderful Friday. People have been asking me what I’m going to do for the weekend. I simply tell them, “Nothing”. Yes, I have no set agenda. Whatever happens will happen. If all I do this weekend is lounge around in my pajamas and finish a good book, then fine. If Publisher’s Clearing House wants to stop by and hand me a check for 10 million dollars, bring it.

I love Friday. But it sure is taking it’s precious time to show up.

Roommates can be a lot of fun. But they can also be a major pain in the backside too. Sometimes you end up with a roommate that you can’t talk to if your life depended on it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to stir up a conversation with them, you usually end up only making polite small talk.

“So… how was your day?”

“Good. Yours?”

“Pretty good.”

“Good.”

Awwwwkwaaaard….

School is about to start up again, which means it time for a road trip across America. Road trips can be fun, but that’s usually when you have no purpose to the trip. When there is a reason then the fun’s just sucked right out of it. When you have only two days before your school assumes that you aren’t coming and gives your room to some other student, then you have to rush like a grandma the day before Christmas. I can just see it now. I walk into what was my room only to find that it is covered in pink frills, leopard cloth, and teddy bears. (Gag)

I’ve been through 4 states already. Each state had it’s own moment to remember:

• Wyoming: Swerved to miss something that was crawling across the interstate. It was tumbleweed.
• Colorado: I 25 between Fort Collins and Denver is a death trap. If you ever try to merge onto that interstate you will find yourself throwing anything you can get your hands on (i.e. pens, pencils, balls of paper, beef jerky) at the window in the direction of the elderly lady who sped up and, simultaneously, cut you off and scared the living daylights out of you.
• Kansas: There was only one thing on my mind during the whole eternity of a drive through Kansas: “God, please take me now.” Nah, I’m kidding. The scenery was pretty. I was so sure I was going to see a tornado, though. I realized that driving through most of Kansas is like driving through the Texas panhandle.
• Oklahoma: Just crossed the border, but it’s already reminding me of Texas. I have to remember to bring some heavy duty hairspray, though. The wind is something to be reckoned with.

Yes, road trips are fun.

In just a couple of weeks, school will start and I will get back to my routine of bad cafeteria food, late study nights, early morning rises, and being independent. I think this whole “independence” thing is overrated. During my first year of independent living, I quickly learned that I can’t get through any of it on my own. Frankly, I don’t want to. I’m way too indecisive and I’m hardly ever satisfied. In my honest opinion, there is no such thing as independence. For me at least, I was always calling my Mom, asking for her advice. She still knew what went on everyday of my life because I deliberately told her about my college experience everyday. I had family in the area who were always a joy to see when I went to visit. I visited often. Independence doesn’t exist because there is always someone who is a part of your life. There is always someone who is giving you advice or helping out. Yeah, you may have to wash your own dishes now. And, unfortunately, the laundry doesn’t do itself. But you are never alone. Never.