An Ode To Mother

1: There’s no point in arguing with her. You’ll never win. Even if you are right.

2: Don’t cross her. It’ll be the last thing you ever do.

3: Never, EVER, touch the thermostat. It doesn’t matter if you are freezing your feet off. She’s saving on that electric bill, honey.

4: “No, you can’t have that slice of cheesecake. You don’t need it.”

5: When you offer her that candy bar, she will look at you like you’ve committed the ultimate sin.

“What? We don’t need to be eating that stuff. Quit buying it!”

Then she’ll snatch that thing out of your hand and into her mouth so fast, it’ll amaze you.

6: Watching her get frustrated is so funny.

7: She doesn’t cook on Sunday afternoons. Or Sunday evenings. Or Saturday afternoons. Or Saturday evenings. Or on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. You’re pretty much on your own, kid.

8: She will always ask the question you never want to answer.

9: She will ask you to do something, then turn around to do it herself.

10: Her tough love can move mountains.

She’s a force of nature. Something to be reckoned with. A heart of gold wrapped in nerves of steel. She’s wisdom with a smart mouth. She’s a mother.

“So take that and smoke it in your pipe.”

The End